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【eroticized rebel archetype】How to help domestic violence victims during the coronavirus pandemic

"They're,eroticized rebel archetype as what I like to say, walking on eggshells," said Rhonda Voss, a survivor of domestic violence. She described what current victims might be going through: "You just never know what little thing that you do that might set them off — or even what might set them off, even if you don't do it."

For many people, social distancing is a boring slog. Take one look at social media and you'll find people binge-watching shows and taking care of their sourdough starter.

For those in abusive relationships, however, staying at home is a nightmare. As Voss described, these people may feel trapped, frightened, or scared for themselves and their children if they're parents.


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The ramifications of social distancing on domestic violence are already being seen: Police departments around the country have reported an increase in domestic violence-related calls in March. Even though dips in calls have also been reported, that can be a bad sign as well: These victims may not ever feel safe enough to call.

External factors like stress and financial strain can negatively impact victims and create circumstances where their safety is further compromised according to Christina So, Communications Director at the National Domestic Violence Hotline(NDVH). "Our experience informs us that in homes where abuse is already occurring, and there is a negative financial impact or added stress in the home, we typically see a higher frequency of incidents of abuse and increased severity of abuse," said Katie Ray-Jones, Chief Executive Officer of NDVH and loveisrespect, an inclusive space for young people to learn about healthy relationships. As Anita Bhatia, the Deputy Executive Director of the United Nations Women, told TIME last month, "the very technique we are using to protect peoplefrom the virus can perversely impact victims of domestic violence."

So what can people who are not personally impacted by domestic violence do? How can we help?

A huge way to help, according to So, is to support the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The entire staff is currently remote, and they serve as a backup for other hotlines and providers from local and regional organizations who may have had to suspend their services due to the pandemic.

"We're completely prepared to support anyone who needs our help, and to help them find the best resources possible," said So.

It's likely that your hometown has resources as well that could benefit from financial donations, such as Safe Horizon, which provides advocacy and support to domestic violence victims and survivors in New York City. For those in the US, the US Department of Health and Human Services has a list of resourcesavailable by state. In the UK, for example, Solace Women's Aidis raising £150,000 in what they're calling the #StaySafeAtHome Covid-19 Emergency Appeal. Do your research, and — if you're able to — donate to a non-profit or hotline in your area.

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Another way to help is to build community around victims and survivors. Isolation is one of the strongest tactics an abuser can use, So emphasized, so supporting them in a time like this is essential. Isolation from loved ones, constant surveillance, strict rules, and restrictions on basic necessities, are all tools for abusers and can flourish during social distancing. Indeed, NDVH has seen an increase in calls about how abusive partners are using COVID-19 to further isolate, coerce, or insert fear into the relationship according to Ray-Jones.

"I'm already hearing from survivors about how COVID-19 is being used by abusive partners to further control and abuse," So said similarly.

"By checking in with people regularly, you can keep an eye out for warning signs of abuse by an intimate partner or family member."

Pamela Zaballa, Global Executive Editor of NO MORE, encouraged people to reach out to victim/survivorsin a blog post. "If you know or suspect that somebody suffers from domestic violence, please contact them, and keep that vital line of support open," Zaballa wrote. "This is one disease where washing our hands amounts to indifference."

Knowing about a controlling or abusive relationship is different than suspecting one, of course, but heed to Zaballa's advice for both. If you know a friend is generally isolated and you believe their partner could be abusive, now's an important time to stay connected.

Here's what you can do: talk to them by phone or video call, or be a part of their safety plan. Are there people in their space who are safe and can act as a buffer (someone whose presence would reduce the risk of interactions between the victim and abuser)? Can they take walks outside while maintaining social distancing? Ask them and find out. Voss offered a tip of having a word or phrase as a signal that they need help.

"By checking in with people regularly, you can keep an eye out for warning signsof abuse by an intimate partneror family member," Erinn Robinson, press secretary at RAINN, told Mashable over email. "If you think someone may be experiencing abuse, let them know that you are a part of their support network and that they can reach out, either on the phone or via video chat."

If you're unsure of what to say or how to go about speaking with a victim/survivor, RAINN has a friends and family toolkitto support a loved one, which breaks down and expands the TALK acronym: thank them for telling you; ask how you can help; listen without judgment; and keep supporting.

Zaballa urged people to not ignore shouting neighbors, and Voss emphasized to be aware of small signs as well. If you think someone is suffering from domestic violence in your building or nearby, but do not want to get law enforcement involved, So recommended visiting the hotline's websiteor giving them a call at 1-800-799-7233. There are also chat or text services you can reach either through the website or by texting LOVEIS to 222522, should you not be able to speak safely.

SEE ALSO: The most important thing to know about social distancing

The hotline is able to help anyone create a safety plan, whether they themselves are a victim/survivor or someone concerned about one. "If somebody is uncomfortable working with law enforcement or doesn't want to make that call, that's absolutely fine," said So. "We just empower people to make the decisions that they know are best for them."

RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline is also available at 1-800-656-HOPE or online.rainn.org24/7. It's free and confidential for both victim/survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones, and they can also help with brainstorming safety planning.

Ultimately: donate if you can, and look out for others. Whether you're a victim/survivor or a supporter, you're not alone — and help is available. "It's really important that we're helping survivors know that even in times like these there's still hope," So said, "and we're here for them — not just as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, but as individuals."

If you've experienced domestic or intimate partner violence, you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Additional resources are available on its website.

If you have experienced sexual abuse, call the free, confidential National Sexual Assault hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or access the 24-7 help online by visiting online.rainn.org.

Topics Activism Social Good COVID-19

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