After the Trump administration went nearly hours this weekend without a heart-stopping scandal,home made amateur sex videos of wives talking dirty and screaming when starting to cum on camera Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, bravely decided he'd be the one to break the reverie.
On Sunday night, Cohen tweeted a photo of his daughter in lingerie and announced that he was proud of his "Ivy League daughter" for having "beauty and brains." Normally, a photo like this would cause an uproar, inspiring 10 different Medium posts, an Everyday Feminism explainer and an ethics investigation led by the nation's chief hallway monitor, Jason Chaffetz.
But because it's 2017 and this is Trump we're talking about, Cohen's photo barely sparked the social media riot it so deeply deserved.
SEE ALSO: Here's the Comey tape transcript Trump so wants you to seeSure, it's not illegal for the president's lawyer to post a photo of his daughter in her bra on Twitter. Cohen could have hypothetically gotten away with the tweet by claiming that his daughter was some sort of monochromatic model, then leaving it at that.
So proud of my Ivy League daughter...brains and beauty channeling her Edie Sedgwick. On Instagram @samichka_ pic.twitter.com/mpQxhr3mh3
— Michael Cohen (@MichaelCohen212) May 15, 2017
Like his boss, however, Cohen felt compelled to open his mouth and ruin everything. After Cohen posted the photo, he responded to critics by alleging that they were jealous of his daughter's 19-year-old body. The tenor of the conversation immediately went from "This is uncomfortable" to "This is an SVU plot," and Twitter, for once, responded like real humans.
@MichaelCohen212 Edie Sedgwick bucked social norms for women in the mid-1960's. If you'd been her dad, you'd have been angry and terrified.
— Shannon Coulter (@shannoncoulter) May 15, 2017
@MichaelCohen212 Gaze is not demure and downward. It is direct. She is not sitting on draped furniture. She is sitting on a man as if he was furniture.
— Shannon Coulter (@shannoncoulter) May 15, 2017
@MichaelCohen212 @bonibrat This type of reply might be more creepy than you posting the pic, bro.
— Patrick Quaife (@pquaife) May 15, 2017
If you're looking for a little more nausea, consider the context. Michael Cohen isn't just any Trump swamp monster. He's the man who famously argued that Trump couldn't possibly have assaulted his wife because "by definition you can't rape your wife." Cohen's explanation is by definition wrong in 50 out of 50 states.
Then juxtapose this story against the background of Trump. Cohen is currently defending a president who once suggested he'd date his daughter if she weren't already married and technically, by some dumb blood or whatever, his daughter.
@MichaelCohen212 Got any pics of her sitting on your lap? Asking for a president.
— Sarah Burris (@SarahBurris) May 15, 2017
What makes the entire affair so revolting isn't the photo itself, which his daughter -- the most important person in this situation -- defended. It's the rampant hypocrisy of it all. Imagine if one of Obama's lawyers had posted a photo of his daughter in her bra on the internet. Imagine if that photo was based on a photo of an older, highly sexualized woman straddled atop a man.
@MichaelCohen212 Here's what a real rebel looks like, Michael. pic.twitter.com/ZQmbCECqHV
— Shannon Coulter (@shannoncoulter) May 15, 2017
Are you kidding? Jason Chaffetz's head would explode into twelve other heads. Republicans would raise $100 million dollars overnight. Trey Gowdy would find a way to subpoena Hillary Clinton. Paul Ryan would weep and beat his chest in front of millions, all while praying for the soul of his fallen liberal nation.
The hypocrisy is crushing. Trump and his administration have spent the past few months partyingwith Congress. Only a handful of Republicans were critical of Trump's choice to fire Comey. An even smaller hand -- call it a fetus hand -- of Republican members of Congress have bothered to mumble about the administration's rampant corruption. If the GOP won't critique Trump, they certainly won't censure his slightly smarter lawyer.
Even the left's outrage was muted this time, beset by scandal fatigue. Few people have time to get get upset about some scandalous Twitter photo when they're busy panicking about whether they'll have a democracy in six months, forget, you know, a world.
What was Cohen thinking when he posted that photo of his daughter? Probably: not much at all. If the past few months have taught us anything, it's that he's protected along with the president he serves.
There's no need to think when there's no reason to fear, and no one even trying to hold you back.
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