Set as Homepage - Add to Favorites

日韩欧美成人一区二区三区免费-日韩欧美成人免费中文字幕-日韩欧美成人免费观看-日韩欧美成人免-日韩欧美不卡一区-日韩欧美爱情中文字幕在线

【sex videos jew xnxx】Why are we obsessed with our partners' exes?

One evening,sex videos jew xnxx Holly,* then 22, was sitting on the sofa with her boyfriend, Harvey, 22, in his family home, when he mentioned that his ex, Harmony, had an OnlyFansaccount. Holly joked that she was going to subscribe to Harmony's page, and they both laughed. 

Holly, however, wasn't joking. Back home, she found Harmony's page and subscribed. She'd already looked at Harmony's Instagram, flicking through old photos of her and Harvey at prom, in school uniform, on holiday together. But scrolling through her OnlyFans account felt like she'd unlocked something else, like she was "meeting a different character altogether."

SEE ALSO: How to protect your mental health while using dating apps

"I would study photos of her boobs, bum, vagina, etc., and tally up where I stood in relation," Holly told me. "I just wanted to see her nipples compared to mine."

In our digitally mediated worlds, we have our partners' entire romantic histories at our fingertips. For the curious (or forensically-obsessed) among us, the proximity to all this information is intoxicating. We find ourselves lying in bed, alone, stroking our iPhones, scouring our partners' ex-flings' LinkedIn credentials, Substacks, and sepia-tinged selfies from 2011. Obsessing over a partner's ex feels dirty and salacious, shameful and delicious. Like scratching an inflamed mosquito bite, the sensation is sweet and stinging, always leaving us wanting more. So why do we do it?

A gendered problem?

"A lot of information on this subject is really poor," said psychotherapist Toby Ingham, who has written a book about "retroactive jealousy" (a term used to describe fixating on a partner's romantic history). While there has been little written on the subject, Ingham makes the case that retroactive jealousy is an "obsessional problem" fueled by "old injuries, things that really predate any kind of dating history by a long time." In other words, the compulsive feeling is less about our partner's ex or even our partner but "attachment typeproblems" from our childhoods.

When I floated my (anecdotally-driven) theory with Ingham — that retroactive jealousy was more common in women than men — he pushed back. "It seems to me that it's more typically menwho become obsessed about their partner's previous partners," he said, explaining that he'd seen more male clients about this issue. 

This surprised me: I'd come to think of the compulsive feeling as a distinctly female one (the way I've masochistically compared every inch of my body to my friends' bodies since I was 11). When I asked my male friends how often they thought about their partners' exes, they seemed baffled by the question. They might take interest in who their ex dates after them, they told me, but not who they dated before.

"I have not found a man who has experienced this," Camille Sojit Pejcha, a New York City-based writer who runs the Substack Pleasure Seeking, told me. Sojit Pejcha has written about creeping on her ex's exesin Document Journal. "Women are so socialized to be so sensitive about their appearance and the appearance of others."

Mashable Trend Report Decode what’s viral, what’s next, and what it all means. Sign up for Mashable’s weekly Trend Report newsletter. By clicking Sign Me Up, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Thanks for signing up!

In 2006, a psychoanalyst named Dr Darian Leader used the term "Rebecca Syndrome" to describe the act of obsessing over a partner's ex. "It is a genuine question of feminine identity," he told The Independent. "It's as if the woman who came before holds the key." He'd coined the term from Daphne du Maurier's 1938 Gothic novel, Rebecca, in which the protagonist becomes fixated on her lover's widow. "I thought of Rebecca, lively and beautiful, arranging everything," she says towards the start of the novel, "What must people think about me?" 

While no published studies have specifically focused on whether "Rebecca Syndrome" is more common in women or men, research indicates that women are more likely to compare themselveswith others on social media and are more likely to engage in "upward comparison." This is hardly surprising — my Instagram Explore page is filled with ads for rhinoplasty, face lifts, lip fillers, and Botox while my (straight) male friends tell me theirs are filled with women with big breasts. 

Being fascinated by our partner's exes didn't begin in the 21st century, but it's likely that profit-driven social media apps have added fuel to the fire. Capitalism feeds off insecurity, instilling us with the belief that something about us is suboptimal but fixable, that there is a better version of ourselves in reach. Social media, programmed to suck our attention, turbocharges this Sisyphean striving: the more time we spend on the apps, the more we scrutinize our appearance, the more we hate ourselves, the more time we spend on the apps.

The ex as a mirror

Across interviews with self-professed "ex fanatics," women described imagining their partner's exes as if seeing them through their partners' eyes. What made him fall in love with her?They'd wonder, tracing the bump on their nose, the gap between their front teeth. What does he love about me? 

Sarah, a 24-year-old writer, told me that she set up a burner account to survey her boyfriend's ex, and the more she looked at her profile, the more she felt uneasy. She began noticing eerie similarities between the ex and herself: their ethnicity, their music taste, even the topics of their undergrad thesis. "I was just a little bit scared that I am just a rebound because the similarity was very jarring."


Related Stories
  • Should you get back together with an ex?
  • Why social media algorithms hurt after a breakup
  • How to remove your ex from your digital life
  • LinkedIn and dating apps are failing users in the same ways
  • Is dating an AI chatbot considered cheating?

This male-centric perspective reminded me of art critic John Berger's (albeit heteronormative) description of what it means to be a woman in a patriarchal world: disembodied "by a sense of being appreciated as herself by another." He wrote, "Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at." In a world in which our attention is constantly being monetized, these acts of being and being perceived take on new meaning. We linger and lurk on the profiles of other women with an internalized male gaze, and the more we look, the more the tech overlords profit.

In a world in which our attention is constantly being monetized, these acts of being and being perceived take on new meaning.

For Sojit Pejcha, spending years looking at her partner's ex through a quasi-male gaze led her somewhere unexpected. When her ex's ex revealed that she'd had a crush on her, she realized that she'd misinterpreted her own compulsive behavior. "For me, the motivation was gay," she told me. "It manifested as a perceived comparison thing but really it was about a sapphic pull that I felt toward these women… It was like I was able to hide behind the dynamic of triangulation with a man."

Holly was also jolted into a confrontation when her boyfriend's ex contacted her on OnlyFans, asking if she wanted personalized content. It made her feel guilty, like she'd taken it all too far. Obsessing over Harmony's virtual self was "a false sense of control," she now realized. "You learn more about what you hate about yourself than what they're like." 

As is so often the case with obsession, the feeling is more about the subject than the object: less about the person you are obsessed with and more about what they evoke in you and why. "It becomes far more an exercise in holding a mirror up to your own insecurities," Holly said.

* Names have been changed.


Featured Video For You
Mashable Rants: Is flirting with AI considered cheating?

Topics Social Media

0.1282s , 14276.1796875 kb

Copyright © 2025 Powered by 【sex videos jew xnxx】Why are we obsessed with our partners' exes?,Public Opinion Flash  

Sitemap

Top 主站蜘蛛池模板: 丁香婷婷综合久久精品 | 超碰av男人的天堂一区二区 | 69国产精品国偷自产 | 精品国产97在线观看 | 精品中文字幕一区二区三区 | 一本久道久综合久久鬼色 | 一本色道久久88亚洲精品综合 | 高清精品一区二区三区 | 伊人久久亚洲精品一区 | 国产成人福利在线观看视频 | 自拍一区 综合图区 | 欧美 自拍 在线 综合图区 | 国产欧美日韩精品区一区二区 | 无码国产精品一区二区免费久久 | 1区1区3区4区产品乱码芒果 | 国产成人精品二区在线观看 | 狠狠热免费视频 | 成年女人毛片免费观看中文 | 国产成人精品免费视频大全动 | 国产成人精品必看 | 久久亚洲色一区二区三区 | 日日夜夜长长久久天堂 | 亚洲午夜精品A片久久软件 亚洲午夜精品A片一区三区无码 | 制服丝袜无码中文字幕在线 | 精品国产精品人妻久久无码五月天 | 久久精品免费观看视频 | 精品奶水区一区二区三区在线观看 | 丰满岳乱妇一区二区一区 | 国产亚洲一欧美一区二区三区 | 亚洲视频高清不卡在线观看 | 精品久久久久久中文字幕无碍 | 加勒比黑人无码精选 | 二区三区高清人妻 | 亚洲成人影院在线观看 | 国产麻豆精品一区二区三区免费在线观看 | 人妻美妇疯狂迎合系列视频 | 欧美精品一中文字幕 | 国产v乱码一区二 | 国产日产欧美精品一区二区三区 | 久久91精品国产一区二区三区 | 夫妻交换系列 |