At 8:30 in the morning on rough black guys sex video on tumblrthe first official day of CES, my cab driver and I were on the same page.
"These are the worst three days of the whole year," he said as we sat, and sat, and sat some more in traffic.
The traffic, bad suits, recirculated air, and endless hawking of wares makes most industry trade shows a living nightmare. But CES is its own beast for the sheer scale of the thing: it takes over multiple convention centers across the Las Vegas strip, bringing companies and humans from around the globe to what feels like the least walkable city in the world.
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Getting anywhere on time and without sweating through your shirt is a feat. Staying hydrated? Forget about it. There are bright lights and salespeople vying for your time and attention. All the while you have a schedule to keep, emails to answer, and — oh yeah — your feet are killing you.
So what is a gal to do if she wants to stay sane?
There is, in somewhat oxymoronic fact, a bustling market for relaxation tech at CES. There's even a whole "smart sleep" section that's the size of a city block. So at CES this year, I decided to take advantage of all that tech designed to help me chill out, and see if I could relax.
The results, my friends, were mixed. Here are the highlights of my quest, and some of the silliest or alternatively most exciting relaxation tech at CES.
Sleep Number's Climate360 smart bed
Our journey begins on a mattress in a ballroom.
The cooling features of this "smart bed" worked surprisingly well. Credit: rachel kraus / mashable When I arrived at a media showcase after trekking from casino to casino for meetings, I was hot, sweaty, and worn down. So, immediately, a mattress caught my eye.
Sleep Number is known for making beds that have two sides each sleeper can customize with their own desired firmness. Their new mattress is temperature controlled to optimally cool you down or keep you warm while you're falling asleep and during your sleep cycle.
I laid on the mattress, boots and all, sinking into the foam, content. My body, radiating heat from power walking, started to cool down. My feet became pleasantly warm. It was nice.
Of course, all the while an understanding PR guy was doing his job and telling me about the product. I stayed horizontal the whole time while he told me about why temperature control was so important. I mm-hmm'd, struggling to engage in the convo. I was physically relaxed and cooled down, but my brain was still buzzing.
HumanTouch & BrainTap
Massage chairs are all the rage at CES. Attendees literally line up to spend 5 minutes in a vibrating cocoon to get their bodies rubbed. The one I tried was the Super Novo by HumanTouch, which it describes as a "zero gravity" 4D massage chair (zero gravity because your feet go above your head, yippee). I spent 10 minutes in the chair, letting it massage my calves and feet and hands and arms and back and mmm.... it felt good. The chair also played sounds of rain falling, that almost drowned out the festival around me. Then, a brand representative was back to ask me how it was. It was pretty great, but was it a $10,000 experience (that's what it costs)? IDK.
I didn't want to leave yet, so I pointed to another chair in which I was dying to sit down and asked "what's that?"
It was another "Zero Gravity Chair," that came with air massage. Basically, a recliner that went way back and would give you some light massage on your back. I eagerly got in and laid back.
Then, the brand upped the experience by putting a weighted blanket on me. I was happy.
Behind a display, a man was wearing a weird headband looking thing. I inquired: it was a device called BrainTap, that supposedly helped you get into "meditative states" that are otherwise difficult to achieve. I strapped that on, too, and found myself subjected to strobing lights behind my closed eyes. Meanwhile, a man in my ears delivered a cross between guided meditation and motivational speaker.
Might have been brainwashed TBH. At least I was comfy. Credit: RACHEL KRAUS / MASHABLE Had I just been brainwashed? Hypnotized? Inducted into a cult? Hard to say.
Core
Leaving the world of physical relaxation, I departed to the mental one. My first stop was at Core, a new company that pairs an app with a small, round device that both vibrates and measures your heart rate. You hold it in your hands, and by directing your focus, it actually helps you meditate.
A different sort of vibrator. Credit: rachel kraus / mashable In a small stall in a basement startup section of the trade show, I was incredulous that I would be able to meditate and achieve some calm. But somehow, the Core device (along with noise canceling headphones) helped me focus and actually turn inward.
An introductory meditation led me through breath work; the Core vibrated in time with the short, quick inhales and long exhales I was supposed to take. Next, I did a mediation with ambient nature sounds, and every time my brain wandered, I brought myself back to the steady vibration in my hands. It was amazing how something small and alive to hold on to served as a focal point to center my attention.
"A big part of Core is representing how closely your mind and body are connected," Sarah McDevitt, Core's serene founder and CEO, told me.
Indeed.
ChiliBlanket
Weighted blankets have been all the rage the past few years, but I was intrigued to get under this one.
You've heard of a waterbed. How about a water blanket?! Credit: RACHEL KRAUS / MASHABLE The ChiliBlanket uses "hydropower" to control the temperature of the blanket. Company co-founder Tara Youngblood told me that weighted blankets work as a calming agent because the weight prompts your brain to release serotonin. The problem, co-founder (and husband) Todd Youngblood explained, is that you can sometimes get too hot. So the ChiliBlanket keeps you cool while you get that nice envelopment. It attaches to a control unit that alternately heats or cools the small tubes of water that run through the blanket at the user's command.
I wanted to stay under that blanket forever. There was no fancy mattress setup or anything, but the time I did spend wrapped in its soft, gray cooling embrace, was serene. Unfortunately, CES was still bustling around me.
Aurai Eye Massager
Holy moly. I needed an eye massage and never even knew it!
The Aurai eye massager is an eye mask that basically has cushy eyecups filled with water that cool, heat, and vibrate to give your eyeballs and surrounding muscles some much-needed TLC.
A little slice of heaven in hell. Credit: RACHEL KRAUS / MASHABLE I don't really know how it works, but I only spent six minutes on this baby (both hot and cold), and my actual face felt rejuvenated. My poor eyes, straining to look at my phone and navigate under the harsh lights of the endless Vegas tradeshow floors, really needed that. For a moment there, zen was achieved.
So, did I relax?
The best way to describe my quest to relax at CES was "fleeting."
I wasn't the only one trying to relax in Vegas. Credit: RACHEL KRAUS / MASHABLE At times, I was able to shut out the world and focus on my breath, the tingling of my toes and face, a warmth in my center. But as soon as I stepped out from under a blanket, or removed whatever was shielding me from the trade show floor, my responsibilities and the people who wanted my attention came rushing back.
Relaxation tech is ultimately an escape. If you can't put yourself in a state of calm, an object you purchase probably won't be able to (for long) either. Then again, there are some things that can help get you get yourself there, with time.