Ryan Seacrest,women dead from auto eroticism a man who wants nothing more than to make New Year's Eve a little more rockin', was cruelly victimized by the very cruel year he's trying to usher us out of in cloud of confetti.
Yes, 2016, the first unit of time to become sentient and actively plot the destruction of all humanity, trapped Seacrest in an elevator in Times Square a mere day before hosting Rockin' New Year's Eve. In fact, he was under the very crystal ball that will drop and deliver us into 2017's probable continuation of misery.
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Our hero's journey begins bright and early on another fast-paced New York City morning as the hustle and bustle of The Big Apple is coming out of its slumber and the rising sun beams off the iconic Chrysler Building.
Seacrest himself was on his way to promote the thing he does every year on Good Morning America.
"The lights are so bright but they never blind me," Seacrest probably sings to himself, thinking of Rockin' New Years Evespassed with his good friend, Taylor Swift.
But then, the unthinkable happened.
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The elevator that was moving stopped moving even though they wanted it to keep moving. The machinery clearly has no respect for the man who will soon host DNCE for an unforgettable evening of music and merriment.
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"Hi, from underneath the ball in Times Square," reports the fearless Seacrest. "We're stuck in the elevator."
He laughs, but is he just trying to stay strong for America? To be the leader we need in a post-Billy Bush country? In the final hours of 2015, Rachel Platten sang "Fight Song" on the very television program in question. Here, in this elevator, Seacrest is singing his own "take back my life song."
Moments after Seacrest begins filming himself, they think to call for help -- journalism first, personal safety second.
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Finally, freedom! A brave firefighter rescues Seacrest and his band of weary travelers from the jaws of certain death, or at least inconvenience.
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America lives to see another good morning.
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But the real inspirational moment? Instead of demanding to be airlifted to the very top of the concrete jungle where dreams are made of like a celebrity of his stature surely demands, Seacrest faces elevators again.
Let's all charge through to 2017 with the courage and sense of purpose of Ryan Seacrest and make the whole damn year rockin'.
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